March 31, 2005

• So today. What a fun day.
  When I finally wake up I drag my ass to the gas station to get gas. Ok, I have a small car, its like 30 bucks to fill it up. I CANT AFFORD THAT!!! Anyone else a little ticked about the gas prices? OH PICK ME!!!

  
  

  So I head to my grandmas. Stop at the store by her house. Pick up a dozen BEAUTIFUL red, yellow and peach roses for her. (Im an awesome grandchild, what can i say?) And a cake and a tube of icing to write on it.

  
  

  Get to her house. shes sick. Soooo I go back to the store to pick up some drugs for her. I Make a pitiful attempt at writing “Happy B-Day” on the cake. it made her smile, so good!! after we ate some cake, we sat around watching tv and eating chocolates. mmmmm

  
  

  Then I headed home. The plan was to sleep over, but she was sick.. and I didnt want her to feel like she had to wake up early to make me breakfast. which is what she does.

  
  

  on the way home I stopped and bought some more flowers. Roses for my mom, and Daisies for my grandpa. and then I just stood there. Staring. And crying.
  The pain has dulled down quite a bit in five years. I know shes in a better place. I know that the pain is gone. I know she wasnt going to make it.
  I cried because of all the things she missed, all the things she wanted to do. all the things shes going to miss. All the times Im going to need her.
  It is all just very depressing.

  
  

  After about 30 minutes of crying… and talking to her. I got back in my car and headed home.

  
  

  Some Guy was riding my as on the highway, so I slowed down. He moved to pass me, and when he got over, Id speed up so he couldnt. We did this a few times, until he Almost hit me from behind, and then I was like, Fuck if Im letting you over ass munch.

  
  

  Oh fun highway games.

  
  

  So now Im home. and relaxed. And… Just.. I dont know. Hanging in there. Today is never an easy day. But its something I have to do. I have to be there for her. I have to make her smile. Because I love doing it. I complain, and I bitch about it. But Nothing makes me happier than knowing, even if for a few hours, shes happy.

  
  

  Im such a sucker :p

  • 11:34 pm
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